


Ties That Bind

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: (putting any triggers in the tags so you know what you're getting into), M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 09:55:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12862077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After a dramatic drop in his mental health, Tweek drops out of university to return to South Park. Having followed each other since they were kids, Craig gives up his dream to follow him. Tensions rise.





	1. The lines are fading in my kingdom (Though I have never known the way to border them in)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based from the song 'Emily' by Joanna Newsom. (It's written about her and her sister, but I also interpret it as a creek song- Joanna sings about her astrophysicist sister's logical mind in contrast to her more emotional and lyrical one, as her sister tells her stories of the stars she promises her she'll set them to verse so she'll remember them but ends up mixing up the meaning of meteorites and meteoroids. Emily (her sister), then accidentally ruins Joanna's trust, but Joanna forgives her saying that 'The ties that bind, they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever'. Their bond of sisterhood holds them together, no matter how painful. 
> 
> I recommend listening to the song (12 minutes of heaven), but just listen to the album Ys as a whole, seriously. It's my favourite album of all time. (I can recite all 17 minutes and over 1000 words of 'Only Skin' and I will at any given moment)
> 
> I'm not in the best place at this moment, so I'll update when I can. I don't think I'm that good a writer, either, but let's find out together.

Tweek Tweak stared at his computer screen, swallowing in an attempt to remove the lump in his throat. His boyfriend, Craig Tucker, stood over him. 

"You know I'll support you, no matter what."

Tweek nodded, unconvinced. 

"You also know what choice I think is best for you." 

Tweek nodded again. 

"You also know what I'll do if you choose to drop out." 

Tweek closed his eyes and nodded for the third time, clenching his jaw and bringing his hands up to his mouth. Craig sighed, reaching around to gently tug his hands away. 

"You want this, you've been dreaming of an astrophysics career since we were kids, Craig." 

Craig nodded, aware Tweek couldn't see the action, and placed his hands on his shoulders. After the initial jump from sudden contact, Tweek relaxed. 

"You know I care more about you than space, Tweek. Space is everywhere. I want to be where you are." 

Quickly, Tweek jerked his dominant right hand to the laptop's mouse pad, frantically clicking the 'Withdraw' button, as if his hesitance would somehow reverse his decision completely. 

"I'm so proud of you, honey." 

"Aren't you gonna do it?" 

"Later." 

Tweek had no doubts craig  _would_ end up withdrawing with him, but whether or not he would wasn't the source of his anxiety. He stood up and turned to face Craig, who opened his arms in an embrace. Tweek melted into his chest, gripping his shirt fabric and trying to hide the tears leaking from his eyes. When he realised Craig was wearing his NASA shirt, he only cried more. Craig hushed him and rubbed his hands up and down his back, while Tweek shuddered into his chest. 

"Time to pack up, babe. I got an email from the landlord saying we can move in tomorrow." 

Their apartment, only a few blocks from campus, was full of what seemed like all the belongings either of them had in the world. Tweek's canvases, in all stages of finished, unfinished and completely blank were spread around the apartment. Craig's textbooks, large ones Tweek could barely understand the first page of, were piled up and surrounded by notes and worksheet pages. The keyboard was in the corner, along with an acoustic guitar. He dreaded packing up and carrying the instruments, keyboard in particular. The van they borrowed from Clyde would last them to South Park, but their elevator was out of order and they lived on the fifth floor. 

 

After they'd cleared what they could and binned the rest, the apartment was looking empty and bleak.

"It's like when we first moved in, huh?" Craig commented, surveying the blank walls and empty room, save for the furniture that came with the place. 

"It's not like we expected to move out after two years." 

Craig walked over to Tweek and kissed his forehead, a task that was relatively easy due to their height difference. "Yeah, but we have an actual  _house_ now. We can get pets." The corners of Tweek's mouth turned up slightly, knowing Craig's fondness for guinea pigs and Tweek's own love of cats. 

 "It's getting late." Craig looked at his watch, the face reading 1:34. "We should get some sleep before the three hour drive back home." 

 _The three hour drive you'll have to do_ , Tweek thought bitterly,  _Seeing as I have an anxiety attack whenever I so much as think about driving._  

Tweek nodded and let Craig lead him to their bed. They agreed that linen and other last minute things they could pack tomorrow, as they were leaving. 

 

 

 

When Tweek woke up, his first thought was that they had been robbed. He jerked Craig awake, shrieking about where all their belongings had gone, his stomach in knots. Craig wiped the sleep from his eyes, hushing Tweek. 

"Tweek, we're moving back home, remember?" 

Tweek didn't calm down at this, in fact he started hyperventilating. "I don't want to go home!" He shouted in between breaths. "I hate it there!" He had bent over, Craig still hushing him. " _I don't want to go home! I have class today! I can't just leave"_ Craig held him, as he calmed down.  

"We both withdrew from classes, remember? I dropped out after you'd fallen asleep. I can show you the emails from the university and the landlord saying we can move in today, if you'd like?" Tweek shook his head. 

"I trust you." 

"Good. Can you take the stuff off the bed down to the van, okay? I'll make coffee." Tweek nodded, grabbing the duvet and pillows from the bed and putting them on the floor, before taking the sheet off the bed and grabbing the pile of linen and walking them down to the car. Craig got up and went to the kitchenette, their coffeemaker being the only appliance that wasn't originally there, along with a single jug of milk in the fridge. He absentmindedly stroked the Saturn tattoo on his wrist while he waited for the coffee to brew. _Sure, space was my dream, but I can always finish my degree. And build up some money in the meantime._ He thought. Or, more accurately, tried to convince himself. He saw the van's keys on the kitchen bench, and rolled his eyes before quickly finishing the coffee and took both items down to Tweek. 

Tweek was sitting outside the van, tears streaming down his face, clutching the linen. 

"Hey, what's wrong, babe?" Craig said, kneeling over and handing Tweek his coffee. 

"I can't unlock the van. I don't have the keys." He said, between shallow sobs. 

"I have them right here, it's okay. I forget my keys all the time." 

Tweek took no solace in this, putting his head in the pillow he was holding and continuing to cry. Craig could barely make out the muffled words. 

"I can't do anything! I can't even open a fucking van and you're not going to space because of me!" 

Craig went to console him, but found he had nothing to respond with. He only stroked Tweek's hair and unlocked the van. 


	2. Love is not a symptom of time. Time is just a symptom of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee Billy, how come your mom let you have TWO chapters in one night!  
> (sidenote: I'm Australian, so please please correct me about your university/college system! I'm just going off what I know. Also correct me about any aspects of America I get wrong.) 
> 
> ALSO, chapter title is from the song Time, as a Symptom by Joanna Newsom. I swear my purpose in life is to get people to listen to her.

"Tweek, we have to go now." 

Tweek nodded, tears still leaking from his eyes but the sobs having stopped. Craig took the blankets from his arms and put them in the van, leaving Tweek's pillow on his lap for some form of comfort. 

Tweek stood up, clutching his coffee and walked over to the passenger side of the van. He opened the door and managed to fight the urge to vomit at the lingering smell of fast food, surely Clyde's doing. _It_  is _his van_ , he reasoned with himself. _He can keep it in any condition he wants. Maybe if you were a functioning member of society you could have a car to trash._  

Craig was already in the driver's side, starting the van. Tweek climbed up and, still clutching both his pillow and the steaming travel cup of coffee, fastened his seat belt. He glared at Craig, who sheepishly smiled and buckled his own. 

"I was about to do it, you know." 

"I know." 

"You can pick the music for the first half of the trip. I won't even complain about a song that's half an hour." 

"If you're referring to Godspeed You! Black Emperor, the longest song is on the album is 23 minutes." Tweek grumbled, but plugged his cracked phone into the aux chord. 

"I don't get it. Why would you want to listen to static for five hours. That isn't an album." 

"Sure, let's just listen to exclusively to The Cure and Bahaus and call that having music taste." 

Craig chucked and started the van. "Shit. We're late. We gotta tell Token we'll be late meeting him for breakfast." 

Despite Craig's reassurance, Tweek scrolled through Spotify until he found an album he knew they both liked. _It's the least you can do, considering you're forcing him to give up his dreams._  

"Have you talked to your parents about the job?" Craig asked, knowing he was stepping on thin ice but pushing the question nonetheless. _Better now he's lucid_ , he reasoned. 

Tweek shook his head, and the thinning of his lips indicated he did not want to push the subject further for the time being. Craig himself had landed a job, thankfully his high school job's boss had liked him enough to put him on full time now he's returning to South Park. Sure, working in the diner wasn't the greatest, but he made decent tips if he had a shot of vodka before work and his manager wasn't a complete asshole. 

They spent the first half an hour in relative silence, humming softly along to the music playing. When the album ended, Tweek had neglected to put anything on next, so the van was filled with silence. Suddenly, Tweek could hear every noise from the van, and they all seemed to assault his ears. He clutched his ears in an attempt to soften the noises, but to no avail. 

"Tweek, what's wrong?"

"The-" Tweek cringed. "Noises! Too loud!  _When is Clyde going to get his fucking car fixed!"_ Tweek curled up further on himself, and Craig reached over to touch his shoulder, which Tweek immediately shook off. He had started to shake, rocking himself back and forth in the car seat, curled around the pillow. 

"Tweek, I can't just stop the car. We're on a highway. In the back are some sound blocking headphones, can you reach for them?" 

Tweek shook his head, breathing through his mouth in shaky breaths. 

"Okay, would putting on another album help?" 

" _Why do you think the solution would be more noise!"_ Tweek yelled, openly crying now, pushing his hands further over his ears. 

"Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit. Okay, there's an exit a few miles up ahead. Can you hold on until then?" Tweek didn't respond. 

When they pulled over, Craig reached into the back seat and pulled out the sound blocking headphones. They were recommended by Tweek's last therapist, and he had modified them so they worked better for him, padding the insides with fabric.   
Craig gently put them over Tweek's hands, still blocking his ears, and Tweek gingerly reached out and secured them around his ears. He visibly relaxed once they were on his ears, and Craig motioned for him to put his hand on his chest so he could breathe with him. Once Tweek was breathing normally, he almost instantly fell asleep. Craig sighed in relief, and started the van again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> craig has the music taste of a goth teen. but so do i.   
> i love all the music mentioned here, so dont come for me.


	3. Eyes to Eyes, Face to Face (It's such a cold world)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lotta free time so hopefully I can work on this instead of being a sad sack of shit moping around. Ha.   
> Sorry it's pretty dialogue heavy

"What are you feeling?" 

Tweek was sitting in a familiar office, pictures of waves adorning the off-white walls. The popcorn ceiling was incredibly distracting. It made Tweek want to claw it off with his nails. 

"Like a burden? Is that what you want me to say?" 

The therapist sighed. Despite having seen her for all throughout high school, he still couldn't remember her first name. She was known as Dr. Peters to him, despite the insistence that Tweek call her by her first name. 

"I don't want you to say anything. This is your session, I'm just here to listen." 

"You should fix the ceiling." 

She looked up. "My house had those sorts of ceilings when we first moved in. My partner didn't mind them, but the minute we had the money, I got them all fixed. Tell me about your house." 

Tweek scoffed at the obvious attempt to get him to open up. 

"It's nice, one bedroom. One bathroom. One storey. We have a garden, but it's pretty pointless to have a garden in South Park." 

"Not necessarily. Seeds lie dormant waiting for spring, they don't just die." 

"We don't have spring. We have winter and July." 

She chuckled at this, and nodded in agreement. 

"Why have you moved back here? From what I remember you got into college. You haven't been seeing anyone since me, your doctor said." 

"I dropped out."

"Why?"

"I was asked to. By the college. They  _recommended_ it would be best. But really I didn't have a choice." 

"What about Craig? You said you had gotten an apartment near campus." 

"He dropped out too." 

"And how do you feel about that?" 

"Shit." 

"Why?" 

Tweek swallowed. "Why do you think? He gave up on his dream to follow me back here." 

"So you feel burdened by this?"

"Yeah. Whatever. Poor little Tweek, can't do anything on his own. I had to be dropped here. Craig's in the waiting room, even though he has a shift in an hour."

"Have you tried getting a job?" 

"My parents don't know I'm back here." 

"You can have a job outside your parent's cafe, you know." 

"Yeah, I'm sure an employer would love having a twitching ex-addict who had a very recent mental breakdown working for them." 

"Drop some resumes in, you never know." 

Tweek nodded, and knew that the topic they'd been avoiding was going to be brought up very soon. Sadly, they still had half an hour of their session, so he couldn't even claim that they didn't have enough time.

"So. Why did you drop out?" 

"Because," Tweek started, and stopped. He hadn't even realised he was fidgeting with his hands, and when he looked down his nail beds were raw. "Because I-" Tweek sighed, he knew that talking about it to Dr. Peters would help, but it seemed like he couldn't force the words out. 

"Take all the time you need, Tweek." 

"Because I was sad." 

"I don't think that's the whole truth."

"You didn't let me finish." Tweek made a conscious effort to breathe deeply, imagining his hand on Craig's chest, breathing with him. "I was sad because I couldn't make art. I'm doing an art degree and I can't even make art. And then I forgot how to play piano." 

"You've been playing piano since you were ten-" 

"And I forgot. I forgot what the keys meant, I forgot how to make the notes. I felt like a fucking failure. I forgot how to draw. And when I got my assessment back and it was a D, Jess said she knew how to get the 'creative juices' flowing again." 

"Who's Jess?" 

"A girl in my course. We were friends, sort of. The kind of friends who sit together and maybe get lunch after class, but don't have each other's phone numbers. Jess said she had artist's block for a long time, but she took some acid and made the best art she's ever created." 

"Tweek, you know drug use with your-"

"I know! But I was so close to failing I thought 'fuck it'. So a few days later, Jess, her girlfriend and I went to their dorm and dropped."

"What happened after that?" 

"I was alone. I don't remember. It felt like I was gone for weeks." 

"And what happened after you came to?" 

"I was in the hospital. Strapped down. Craig was there, and his parents too." 

"But your parents weren't?" 

"Fuck no. Like they'd even come if they knew." 

"What happened afterwards?" 

"Craig was crying. Said that I came back to the apartment and tried to slit my wrists, and then ran off. He went after me, and I was in a fountain, face down." 

"You don't remember any of this?" 

"No! I think I was trying to get the bugs out from my skin. I don't even remember being in water. He said he had to call the ambulance, and that I was in the hospital for two days, strapped down and half sedated." 

"Did he know you took LSD?"

"He found out when they examined me, found traces of acid. They asked Craig if he knew my medical history, which he did. Then they tried to see if I was completely gone." 

"Taking psychedelics with predispositions to such disorders is bad, let alone-"

" _I know!_ If you're going to lecture me about drug use you might as well put a tie on and start saying M'kay. They were worried I wasn't going to come back." 

"But you did." 

"Sort of. Everything's gotten a lot worse since it happened. Like, I'll be talking and suddenly I can't hear anything and I'm in the upside down." 

"Upside-down?" 

"You know that show? Stranger Things?" Dr. Peters shook her head. "Well there's this parallel universe that's exactly the same but there's no one in it, and everything's kind of gone to shit. I don't know, but it's kind of like that. Sometimes it's different." 

"Your psychiatrist said he was going to trail you on different medications now your symptoms are presenting as more severe." 

"Yeah."

"So how does this relate with dropping out?" 

"Well I kind of made a scene. Plus it was listed as a breakdown with attempted suicide. They don't really like having risks on campus."

"I see." 

Tweek paused, realising his hands were now bleeding. Dr. Peters passed him a tissue wordlessly. 

"So, how do you feel now you've said everything out loud?" 

"Tired. I want to go home." 

"We still have ten minutes, but I can stop early if you'd like. You did really well opening up today, Tweek." 

"Am I going to inpatient?" 

"What?" 

"Last time I attempted suicide they put me in the ward for a week." 

"I don't know. Your suicide attempt was a result of drug use, but if your symptoms continue to worsen we'll see. No promises either way, though." 

 

 

 

 

They still had Clyde's van. Craig and Clyde had swapped cars for their trip down, and would return them when Clyde came down for the break. Tweek still hated the smell. He missed Craig's car's smell. It smelt like his deodorant and the lingering smell of cigarettes from the previous owner. 

"How did you go?" 

"I told her everything." 

"I'm so proud of you, babe." Tweek smiled weakly. He was exhausted. This was probably the longest he'd talked since the incident. 

"I'll drop you home and I have to go to work, but I'll be back at seven, okay? We can get takeout." 

Tweek nodded, fighting the urge to curl up in his seat. He had been doing a lot of sleeping lately, _probably my body recharging before the next episode_ , he thought cynically. 


	4. And I railed. And I raved.

Craig came home from his shift carrying City Wok take out. He seemed tired and overworked, but in a good mood nonetheless. Tweek had been sleeping for the past few hours, but was currently sitting at the keyboard. 

Craig was shocked to see Tweek playing, but the tune he was playing was familiar. It wasn't a particularly hard one, but considering the last time he tried to play the keyboard he screamed at it, this was a definite improvement. 

"Tweek, I'm back." 

Tweek looked over his shoulder and smiled at Craig, not stopping playing. 

"Hey Craig. How are your eyes?" 

"My eyes are fine. Why?" 

"You shot lasers out of them. That can't be good for them. Unless it was like the lasers they do so you don't have to wear glasses again. But I doubt those lasers are bright blue and have the power to destroy giant guinea pigs." 

 _There it is._ Craig thought, putting the take out boxes down.

"I don't shoot lasers out my eyes, Tweek." 

"There's no need to be modest, Craig. You saved the day. Although I do hope you'd use it on the underpants gnomes. They're annoying as shit." 

Craig walked over and knelt next to Tweek, who still hadn't stopped playing. "Do I need to call your doctors?" 

"Why would you need to do that?"

"Tweek, can you stop playing for me?" 

"Obviously not. This is the only thing that keeps  _them_ at bay. You're welcome, by the way, for saving our house." 

Craig sighed. "What's them, Tweek." 

"Like you don't know. The last time they got here you called and they took me away. It's not your fault, but I don't appreciate being strapped down."

"Tweek, I didn't," Craig stopped, pausing to think about his choice of words carefully. " _They_   were the paramedics. Do you remember why I had to call them? You were face down in a fountain, tripping on acid." 

Tweek didn't respond, only continuing to play. The tune became faster, his movements more erratic. 

 _Fuck this._ Craig thought, unplugging the keyboard. 

" _What the fuck did you just do?!_ " Tweek screeched, scrambling to plug the keyboard back in. Craig held his wrists. 

"Tweek, I think I need to take you to Hell's Pass." 

" _Oh fuck you, Craig! You're just passing me off to whoever will take me so you can go back to being a fucking spaceman! It's 2017, not 1969. They don't launch people into space anymore!_ " 

Craig clenched his jaw, struggling not to grind his teeth. 

"I'm not passing you off, you're having an episode."

"Fine. Whatever. Go back to college." 

"I don't want to go back to college, Tweek! Not without you!"

"Bullshit." Tweek laughed. "You can't wait to get rid of me!"

Tweek launched his leg foot into Craig's groin, causing Craig to let go of his wrists. Tweek then took that opportunity to run from Craig. 

" _Tweek, get back here! Please!_ " 

He heard only a muffled 'Fuck you' from the other side of the house. Craig pulled his phone out and dialled 911. 

Five minutes later, he heard the sound of ambulance sirens approaching their house. 

"You fucking didn't." Tweek emerged from their bedroom. "Craig, sweetheart, please." 

"Don't try and guilt me into making them leave, Tweek. You need to go to the hospital." 

"Oh, sweet Craig." Craig was sitting on the sofa, and Tweek sat on his lap, looping his arms around his neck. "Craig, if you send them away I'll let you fuck me." 

"Tweek, you're not okay right now." 

"Only because I miss you, Craig. When was the last time we fucked?" 

"Tweek, stop. Neither of us want this right now. Please don't." 

Tweek removed his arms from Craig's neck and reached up to his face, cradling it. "Craig, I love you. But I'm not letting them take me away." He then scratched Craig's cheeks,  _hard_. Craig felt the blood welling and pouring down his face. He shouted and instinctively pushed Tweek off him, cursing. Tweek fell on the floor, and started sobbing. The paramedics came in and Craig only pointed to Tweek, where they picked him up and restrained him. Tweek started yelling, his voice quickly going hoarse and cracking, but he didn't stop. 

"Do you want to ride in the ambulance with him?" One of the paramedics asked. 

"Yeah, of course." 

 

 

 

Tweek was strapped down to the hospital bed, Craig standing next to him. 

"Fuck you, Craig." 

"Tweek, I love you." 

"They're gonna kill me, and it's all your fault. Write on my tombstone 'Tweek Tweak. Killed by Craig Tucker." 

The doctor entered the room, widening his eyes in surprise when he saw Tweek and Craig. "Mr Tucker, Mr Tweek. It's been a while." 

Tweek started thrashing about, helplessly struggling against the restraints. He started screaming again, but his voice was raw and damaged from before, so not much sound came out. 

"We're going to need to sedate him." 

Tweek continued screaming at this, and Craig held his hand, which was still struggling against the restraints. 

"Tweek, I love you. I love you so much." 

"Fuck you." 

"They're going to make you better, okay?" 

"Fuck you." 

"I'll be near you the whole time. I promise."

" _Fuck you._ " 

"I'm only a room away. I love you."

" _Go back to college, go find another boy to fuck. Leave me to rot here._ " 

"I love you." 

"I fucking resent you, Craig. You resent me." 

Tweek stopped struggling, the sedation taking effect. Craig left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouch.jpg


	5. I still only travel by foot and by foot it's a slow climb.

Token met Craig for lunch the next day. It was the same shitty diner he worked at. Token could've afforded better, but he knew Craig was too proud to let him pay for his meal. 

"No Tweek?" Token arrived when Craig was already sitting down. Craig was fighting the urge to wipe up the spill on their table, but fuck that, he was off work and he was going to enjoy it. 

"He had an episode. He's in Hell's Pass." Token sat down and his eyes widened when looking properly at Craig's face, but his short explanation was enough for Token to know to not push it further. 

"I'm sorry. How are you?" 

"I'm pretty ok. Been working, trying to build up some money. Hospital bills, y'know?" 

Craig knew Token did not know, for he had only been in a hospital twice in his life, and his family could afford to cover any bills the hospital could hope to throw at them. Token chose not to comment. 

"Can he have visitors yet?" 

Craig half shrugged, looking down at his cold coffee. 

"Not sure how long they want him to stay. He'll probably come home despite his condition, they're so understaffed there."

Token sighed, knowing the subject was hard to breach but necessary nonetheless. "Was moving back here..." He paused. "the best idea?" 

Craig understood exactly what he meant. Hell's Pass was shitty to say the least, had no mental health unit to speak off, and there was a rumour a surgeon once used hospital equipment to heat up a potato. The latter was ridiculous, but having grown up in South Park, plausible. 

"It's cheap. Once we dropped out we couldn't live at student accommodation. And we had no hope to rent an apartment in the city. Moving back here was familiar, rent isn't bad, and as much as I hate to admit it, having family close is somewhat comforting." 

Token widened his eyes in mock surprise. "Craig  _Tucker_ , showing concern for his family? What happened to the angsty teen who said family was a made up concept designed to guilt outsiders?" 

Craig chuckled, shrugging. "That angst is still in there, don't you doubt that. The fact I have to go to work everyday is making me shrivel up and die at the thought of serving capitalism further." 

"We should all get back together. You, me, Clyde, Jimmy and Tweek. Like the good ol' days." 

"The  _good ol' days_ were two years ago, Token. Plus I saw Clyde a few days ago." 

"You know what I mean. When was the last time we all hung out? Graduation? Bullshit, we're even in the same city." He paused. "Or were, but now we have even more of an excuse." 

"Good save. It would be good to see Jimmy though."

"Exactly! Plus you and Tweek have your own crib, we could get some DVDs, or better yet, pirate some movies, sit at the TV-" 

"We don't have a TV." 

Token paused at Craig's interruption. 

"Oh. Well, we can crowd around a laptop screen or whatever. Who needs movies anyway, when you have world famous comedian Jimmy 'What a great audience' Valmer? It's a Netflix special just for us!" 

"Don't encourage him. He's doing a biomedical engineering degree and we are steering him in that direction, or God help us." 

Their conversation was interrupted when one of Craig's coworkers, a brunette Craig for the life of him couldn't remember the name of, gave them their menus. She coughed awkwardly and mumbled something before scurrying off. 

"Doesn't she remind you of Tweek?" Token joked. 

"No? Tweek's anxious, but when was the last time he did anything but spoke his mind. Or mumbled." 

"Yeah, you're right." Token mused, looking over the menu. 

"Do you even know Tweek at all?" Craig interrogated, suddenly seething with rage.

"What?" 

"Do you know Tweek beyond this idea everyone has of a fragile little princess who can't do anything for himself?"

"Craig, it was an offhand comment. It's not that deep."

"He's pretty skinny at the moment, but he could beat all of you up if he wanted to."

"I don't doubt that, Craig. Can we just forget it?" 

"He's your friend, Jesus Christ. He's more than a caricature of a shy little boy, you do realise that. You  _have_ known him for nearly two decades." 

"Craig. Stop. It was nothing, okay? I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." 

Craig stopped, rubbing at his temples with his fingers.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm exhausted." 

"I don't doubt you are." 

"Can we just reset the last few minutes? God, I need a drink." 

 

 


	6. Squint Skyward and Listen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, i know. it's been a while. i'm not gonna bore u with the weird ass details of my mental health but i havent been doing shit i just havent updated lol 
> 
> trigger warning for self harm, this fic is a way to process stuff i guess. trigger warning for all sorts of stuff, idk.

Tweek was sent home with a xanax prescription and an eye roll from the jaded nurse. They'd clearly sedated him already, and Craig was able to guide him into the car while he mumbled nonsense. 

"Token was talking about getting the gang back together." 

" _The boys are back in town_." Tweek mumbled, and as annoying as that song was Craig was glad to see he could process what he was saying. 

"What do you think about that?" 

Tweek shrugged, and giggled. Xanax was strong shit, apparently. 

"Do you wanna pick the music?" 

Tweek nodded, and clumsily scrolled through Craig's spotify until he landed on a familiar playlist, one Craig knew as 'Tweek's sad playlist.' Inwardly rolling his eyes, he didn't object to the music filling his car. 

When they got back to their house Craig led Tweek to their bedroom, guiding him down onto the bed. He was still in his pyjamas from the other day, so Craig didn't bother changing him. Tweek curled up and started to drift off, mumbling Craig's name until he lay down behind Tweek and spooned him. Craig eyed the clock next to their bed. It was only 10AM, and Craig had work at 12. Nonetheless, he allowed himself to close his eyes and drift off. 

 

 

Tweek and Craig both woke at the sound of Craig's alarm at 11:30. Tweek was more aware, the drugs having worked their way through his system while he was sleeping. 

"Hey." His voice was croaky from what Craig could only assume was screaming from the last few days. 

"Hey. How do you feel?" 

Tweek shrugged, and Craig got up to get dressed for work. Tweek rolled over in bed, watching him. 

"I'm sorry." 

"What for?" Craig was in the middle of taking his shirt off, and still had his arms in the shirt as he popped his head out to look at Tweek.

"Dunno. For being a psycho." 

"Tweek, don't apologise for that." 

"Okay then. For being a burden on you." 

Craig hesitated, trying to think of the appropriate response, but Tweek took this as confirmation. 

"I'm sorry, okay! But you didn't have to drop out because of me! I could've lived with my parents and you could've gone to NASA and been a spaceman and gotten someone less crazy and-" Tweek was cut off by his rapidly quickening breath, and Craig had dropped, still shirtless next to him to soothe him. 

"I'd never have anyone else, Tweek. You know this." 

"Wouldn't you want someone who you don't have to babysit? Or is this some kind of fucked up fetish for you? Do you love sad, broken dolls?" 

"Jesus Christ Tweek,  _listen to me_!" Craig snapped, and Tweek recoiled. 

"I'm having a shower. Don't follow me." Tweek stood up and Craig sighed, defeated. He continued getting dressed for work. 

 

"Tweek? I'm leaving. I know you're not in the shower because I can't hear the water. Come out, I want to apologise." Craig banged on the door, testing the doorknob. It was unlocked, but he wanted Tweek to know he respected his privacy. 

"Don't come in. You're forgiven. I love you." Even behind the door, Tweek's muffled voice was clearly distressed.

"Tweek? What's wrong. I'm coming in, okay?" 

" _DON'T_!" Craig turned the doorknob despite protests, and found Tweek sitting on the toilet lid, blood dripping down his forearms. 

"Oh God. I thought we were over this." 

Craig reached for the first aid box under the sink and went to clean Tweek's cuts. He pried the razor blade out of his hand, hissing when it caught on his finger.

"I am. I was just upset."

"If you turn to slicing yourself open every time you get upset, where else do I need to look?" Tweek blushed. 

"mythighs." He mumbled, turning his head.

"What?"

"My thighs." 

Craig tugged at the waistband of Tweek's pyjama pants and Tweek lifted his hips up, revealing cuts and scars in various states of healing, some freshly scabbed and some just white lines. 

"Is this why didn't want to sleep with me?" 

Tweek nodded. 

"I'm calling in late to work."

"Don't do that. I can clean them myself. I'm not a baby." 

"It's not about cleaning them, Tweek. It's about how I thought you were clean of this shit months ago. What are you, an emo thirteen year old?" Craig regretted the last sentence the minute it came out of his mouth, and quickly worked fixing his mistake.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry, I'm just tired, I haven't slept much, I'm worried about you-"

"Save it. While you're earning enough to make up for my income, I'll go get a lip piercing and hang out with the goth kids." 

Craig put down the first aid supplies angrily, standing up. 

"Sometimes you are  _impossible_ , Tweek." He turned out of the bathroom, slamming the door, and Tweek heard him leaving, his car starting. Tweek's eyes welled up with tears as he rested his head on the back of the toilet. 

He sniffed and got up, pulling his pyjama pants up and went back into the bedroom, lying on the bed and willing himself to fall asleep. 

 


	7. On a good day you can see the end from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a playlist of all the songs referenced in this (including titles) and other songs I think would go well with it.   
> It's like 99% Joanna Newsom though, so if you're interested I'll put it in the end notes.

Craig knew he fucked up the minute he walked out the bathroom. He also knew he was a stubborn idiot, and continued on his commute to work. Tweek wasn't  _currently_ bleeding, and the cuts were fairly shallow, so he wasn't leaving his boyfriend bleeding out. Plus, he was on thin ice at work.   
Despite his guilt for leaving Tweek, he worked his shift, his boyfriend still at the back of his mind. 

Tweek slept a few more hours, and when he woke up his mind had finally cleared, the fog from the leftover xanax gone completely. He made a mental note to never willingly use that stuff again. He remembered something his therapist taught him, to try and identify his emotions and think through his words and actions. The fact that he was thinking enough about his thoughts to determine whether he was thinking about said thoughts was a sign he was feeling better, he reasoned. He needed to apologise to Craig. Looking at the clock, he saw that Craig would be back from work pretty soon. 

When Craig came home, he immediately enveloped Tweek in a bone crushing hug, whispering apologises to his hair. Tweek pulled back, smiling, and assured Craig he was forgiven, and that he was sorry too. Craig pulled him back to his chest tighter, squeezing him. 

"I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have left you. I regretted it the moment I left."

"I told you, you're fine. I'm sorry I relapsed and didn't tell you."

"I take it you're feeling better?" 

"I feel great. No more xanax, though." Craig pulled away from Tweek reluctantly and asked what he wanted for dinner. Tweek shook his head, saying he'd make whatever Craig wanted. 

"I didn't realise I was getting a house husband." 

"Speaking of," Tweek said, walking into their kitchen and getting out the pasta sauce. "I want to get a job too. If no one else takes me, my parents will." 

"Your parents won't pay you, Tweek." 

Tweek hummed noncommittally. "If I'm living out of home, they might." 

"They won't." 

"Okay, well how about another coffee shop. Or even a retail store or something. Maybe a legitimate career." 

"Are you sure?" 

"What does that mean?" Tweek stopped, putting the sauce and pasta package down on the bench and looking at Craig. 

"Well," Craig stopped, rubbing his neck, looking down. "you know. You're not well at the moment." 

Tweek huffed, resuming making pasta. "I'm fine. I'm cooking, and you're not worried I'll start a fire because of a monster in the kitchen and kill us both, Craig. Or  _are you_?"

"I know you can make pasta, Tweek. It's not that." 

"Well then what is it?" 

Craig sighed. "Don't make me say it, Tweek. I don't want to be the bad guy here." Tweek pursed his lips and looked at Craig, silently daring Craig to say what they were both thinking. 

"Don't make me the villain here, okay? Let's not fight. It seems like all we've been doing is fighting. Why are you pushing me away?!" 

Tweek replied so casually Craig wasn't sure he heard right. "So you don't have a chance to push me away first." 

"For fuck's sake, Tweek." Craig said, walking across to where Tweek was, and wrapping his arms around his midsection. "I'm not going to leave! You're stuck with me, okay? I don't know why your brain is telling you I'm some monster who is waiting for the right opportunity to dump and run, but I'm not.  _Listen to me._ "

Tweek leaned back into Craig's embrace, letting out a shuddered breath. "You're right. I'm sorry. I need to trust you. I need to trust you. I can't trust my brain." 

"Don't say that, you can trust some parts of your brain." 

"No I can't." 

"Okay, my brain can do the trusting for both of us. You just have to trust my brain." 

"Trust your brain?" 

"Yeah, if you're ever wondering how something happened, or what something or someone meant, just ask my brain. I'll tell you the truth, always." 

Tweek nodded, and laughed humourlessly. "I can't even make pasta without turning into a soap opera." 

They made and ate their dinner in relative silence, watching movies on Craig's laptop. Their internet hadn't been set up yet, but despite Tweek's insistence the FBI would arrest them both, Craig had downloaded some of their favourite movies and TV shows on his computer. Craig offered to wash up, considering Tweek cooked. Tweek accepted the offer, going to their bedroom.   
He took a deep breath, and took off his shirt and pyjama pants, sitting in just his boxers on their bed. When Craig entered he stopped, surprised. 

"I want to," Tweek swallowed. "y'know. Do it." 

"Tweek, are you sure?" 

"Yeah." 

"Okay, but we'll go slowly." 

Craig gently went over to Tweek, kissing him on the lips. Tweek deepened the kiss, pulling at Craig's shirt. "I don't know," Craig put his hands over Tweek's. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I just, so much shit has happened recently. I've been so emotional lately, and you just got out of the hospital!" 

"So what? I'm not sexy enough for you?" 

"Tweek! Listen to my words. Where in that last sentence did I say I didn't find you attractive?" 

Tweek paused. "You didn't. Sorry." 

"That's okay, babe. That's okay. Why don't we just lie together?" 

"I'd like that." Relief flooded over Tweek, and Craig noticed his visible change. 

"Did you want to have sex, Tweek?" He shook his head. "Well then why did you suggest it?" 

"I wanted to do something for you." 

Craig laughed. "Tweek, you putting yourself through sex isn't gonna be enjoyable for me, dipshit. We'll do it when we're both ready again, okay? No pressure." 

"No pressure." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i wimp out of writing smut? am i just uncomfortable with writing it? is this actually part of a bigger plotline? you'll never know! 
> 
> Here's the playlist (so far).   
> -On a Good Day (Joanna Newsom)  
> -Extraordinary Machine (Fiona Apple)  
> -Moans (Parade Ground)   
> -Emily (Joanna Newsom)   
> -Time, As A Symptom (Joanna Newsom)  
> -Sprout and the Bean (Joanna Newsom)   
> -Strange World (Parade Ground)  
> -Wake Up (Jenny Owen Youngs)  
> -Sleep (Godspeed You! Black Emperor)   
> -Static (Godspeed You! Black Emperor)   
> -Only Skin (Joanna Newsom)   
> -Liability (Lorde)


	8. To be happy and safe with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pretty sick lately, so sorry about the updates. Hope everyone had a good holidays, though.

Tweek woke up the next day early, his phone vibrating on the floor next to the bed, where it was charging. His stomach dropped when he saw the caller ID. 

"Hey mom." 

" _Hello Darling! You're back in South Park? Since_ when?" His mother's airy voice was muffled through the phone, but Tweek could tell she had her phone held to her ear by her shoulder, and was probably making coffee with her hands. 

"Not long. I was meaning to stop in, see you two." 

" _You wouldn't be seeing your father, he's out of town with some child twenty years younger than us. How are you, dear?_ "

Tweek shot up, fully awake now. Craig stirred beside him. "Dad's gone? Are you divorced?" 

" _Soon. Should I pop over today? I can make cupcakes._ " 

"I, uh, have an appointment today. 10:30." 

" _I'll come by afterwards. Sometime around 12? I am looking forward to seeing you. I've been quite lonely, you see. There's nothing sadder than brewing two cups on impulse and then remembering you're alone._ "

Tweek was at a loss as to responding to his mother's confession, but he didn't need to anyway, as she had hung up. Craig woke up, hands fumbling for Tweek in his half-asleep state. 

"Morning, Craig." Craig muffled something in response, settling for loosely wrapping his arms around Tweek's midsection and going back to sleep. Tweek tried to go back to sleep too, but his mother's phone call was lingering in his mind. 

 

 

12 came and went, and by 1pm Tweek's mother finally showed up. 

"So sorry I'm late. I forgot there would be a lunch rush." She said, taking off her coat and shaking off the snow, her nose red from the cold. Tweek had told Craig she would be coming, and briefed him about his parents marriage. Craig wondered why Richard would leave her, the years had been kind to her. Craig reasoned that his soft spot for her was because Tweek had inherited most of his features from his mother's side. 

"No problem, Mrs Tweak. Come in." 

"Craig, how many years has it been? Call me Mary." Craig led her into the living room, still decorated only with a small couch and a wooden chair they had got on sale. He took the chair, while she perched on the couch. Tweek was bustling in the kitchen, making coffee.

"How are you?" She asked, looking towards Craig with a small smile, reminding him so much of Tweek did a double take in his head. None of his family resembled each other that much, Tricia looking more like their cousin Red than Craig or her parents, and Craig's dark features coming seemingly out of nowhere. To see such resemblance spooked him slightly. 

"Good, working a lot." 

"How is Tweek?" 

"He's," Craig stopped. Yesterday had been somewhat of a good day, but overall he realised that Tweek wasn't doing so well the past few weeks. 

"I see." She took his pause as an answer, and swallowed thickly. "We were never prepared, Richard and I, for a child like Tweek. I'm not saying we couldn't have done better, but we were very much out of our depth. Richard was happy when you two got together, he said something about taking Tweek off his hands for good." 

Craig was ready to go to Tweek's defence when Tweek himself walked into the room, holding two cups of coffee, having heard everything his mother had just said. "Dad said that?" 

"Oh Tweek, you surprised me!" She accepted the coffee, and rather than sitting next to her on the couch he stood behind the wooden chair, half shielding his body with Craig's. "Your father said and did many things, few of which I agreed with." She sipped the coffee. "Too much milk, sweetheart. You're losing your touch." Tweek tensed. "He also said he'd love me unconditionally, and look where we are now." 

"Craig doesn't baby me, mom." 

"Like he could. You were such a fussy baby, the only thing that could calm you was sucking on a coffee bean. You nearly choked a good few times." 

Craig decided to chime in. "Tweek isn't something to toss around to whoever will handle him." 

"I never said he was. Your father wasn't a great man, Tweek, he often thought lowly of you just because you weren't the child we were expecting. But he's your father nonetheless." 

"What kind of child were you expecting, mom? All kids come with challenges, if you wanted an easy child you should've gotten a puppy." 

"When are you coming back to the coffee shop, dear?" Mrs Tweak said, seemingly unbothered by the conversation and her awkward segway into an easier topic.

"How do you know I don't already have a job?" Tweek spat, tightening his grip on the coffee mug. Craig put an arm around his legs in a comforting gesture, which only slightly relaxed him. 

"Who else would hire you? Lets not forget your frequent hospitalisations, Tweek. Nor your inability to go five seconds without jumping around like a meth addict." She said, waving a hand dismissively. 

" _Because I was a meth addict, mother. For fifteen fucking years without my knowledge._ " Tweek spat out the words with fury, gritting his teeth. Craig was also enraged, but Mrs Tweak still showed no realisation she'd upset either of them. 

"If I wanted bad coffee and to be told I've been a bad parent, I would've gone to Richard's parents." 

"Because you are a bad parent!" 

Mrs Tweak looked at her watch and sighed. "Well, I should get back to the shop. Craig, lovely as ever seeing you. Tweek, work on your coffee, dear. I'll see you next week for your usual shift?" She got up, left the empty mug on the floor awkwardly and left, collecting her coat. 

"I swear she's fucking delusional. And they think  _I'm_ the crazy one." 

 


End file.
